Being asleep, seems so much better than being alive right now.
I do certains things, maybe drastic things, for a reason. I do things because I am always looking at how to make my self happier, how to make myself a better person. I do things to make my future better and possibly brighter. I do things for a reason that no one will understand. And that’s fine,
Because guess what?
I can now wake up in the morning and not feel like something is missing, or feel like something is completely wrong in my life. I fixed the problems.
|Brent:||Some people are happy until they die.|
|Brent:||It's rare, but isn't it worth a try?|
|Brent:||All of the best things in life end badly.|
|Brent:||Good food makes you fat.|
|Brent:||Drugs kill you.|
|Brent:||Playing music gives you arthritis.|
|Brent:||All of these things are so wonderful now but will probably make you sad later.|
|Brent:||Love is the same way.|
|Brent:||Either way you will probably be sad later in life, so why not enjoy these things now?|
|Brent:||Not drugs so much but playing music and eating good food and being genuinely loved.|
|Brent:||So, I guess I'm sorry if I like you too much.|
|Brent:||But I can't help it.|
Fuck my life, just fucking fuck my life.
Fuck you, and you, and that, and this, and every other tangible thing in this world I didn’t cover.
I don’t even know what to do with this, and that.
I don’t know how to feel about this or that.
I don’t know how to stop this.
When I argue wih my parents, the first reaction they have is to take my phone away.
But I don’t see how that proves a point.
They think it will “teach me a lesson”.
If either of them take my phone away, I will be angry.
What lesson are they trying to teach? It only make me even more mad which makes me lash out more in the heat of the moment. which gets me in more trouble.
And it also makes me take something valuable of thiers when they aren’t looking……..
Nothing like a healthy negotiation.
I like what and who I am starting to become, which means others will not soon enough.
I like the people I am starting to become friends with.
I just wish I didn’t wait until half-way through junior year to fix these things.
I am a lot happier like this. And I should have realized this is how it should be, a long time ago.
I never did fit in with you guys. And I feel like you knew that, when I didn’t.
I’m glad I’m doing the things I like with the people I like and not feeling guilty for doing things for me.
I know I will. Hell, I have already started regretting it and I haven’t even done it yet. But I’m not regretting it for the right reasons. I thought you were what I wanted. And somehow you still are what I want. Something just isn’t right.
And what makes me so upset is I know exactly how this is going to play out. I’ve done this before. Soooo many other times.
Why can’t I just take the fucking chance.
And I hate this is something no one can help me with.